The LIFE 101 Quote BookThe LIFE 101 Quote Book - IntroductionWARNING: THIS INTRODUCTION IS TOO LONG"I read your book," people say to me with enthusiasm. I sense a compliment coming on. I see praise on the horizon. It is dawn. I begin to feel increasingly humble—as egomaniacs tend to feel when it's feeding time. My mind reels at Pentium speed through the list of appreciative responses: The all-purpose "Thank you" is always appropriate, especially if accompanied by a slight bowing of the head, as though the weight of the praise is momentarily too much to bear."You're so kind," compliments the complimentee in return; very tasteful. If the applause of the reader makes that transcendental leap into ovation, the true megalomaniac is permitted a plaintive "Please!" accompanied by a raising of one's hand in a carefully rehearsed but seemingly unconscious gesture of "Stop!" While reviewing these and 16,345 other options, my mind is nevertheless—like a bear awaiting the next drop of honey to trickle from the hive—completely focused on the next panegyric* to pour from the mouth of the obviously intelligent and deeply sensitive person before me. [* I paid $3.95 for my thesaurus and I intend to use it.] My grateful response is chosen. I am ready to receive. My benefactor speaks: "The quotes are great!" A pause. I sense with my praise-radar—developed over years of exhaustive research, use, and refinement—that the complete compliment has been given. There will be no more. The shade is drawn. Dusk.My ego, already salivating over what promised to be an all-you-can-eat gourmet buffet, will have to make do with a handful of Cheetos. Being complimented for selection is hardly the same as being complimented for achievement. Yes, one who chooses Hayden over hip-hop deserves commendation, but nowhere near the same acclamation as is due Hayden himself. Shattered, I am simultaneously faced with the thorny problem of how to respond. What can I say? If I say "Thank you," it seems as though I'm taking credit for some of the tastiest examples of 5000 years of the written word. Although I'm certainly willing, waiting, and wanting to do so, even I can't bring myself to that level of pretension. If I say of the quotes, "Yes, they are," then it may imply that I'm tooting my own horn about my ability to choose. To retain the outer trappings of humility, one must be like the conductor of a symphony orchestra and get other people to toot your horns for you. (It is, however, perfectly acceptable to point at them with a stick and let them know when, how loudly, and for how long they are to toot.) So, while my ego licks its wounds and I remind myself, "It's better to have half a loaf than to be kicked down the stairs at 3:00 in the morning the week after your medical insurance has lapsed," I smile and say the neutral but pontifically correct: "I love quotes, too!" And I do. As Christopher McMullen said (what would an introduction to a quote book be without a quote or two?), "I have the attention span of a hummingbird." Me too. I look at a page of solid text and, like Mozart's tone-deaf patron, think, "Too many words." Sound bites seem excessively long. A penetrating in-depth interview is any discussion with more than one question. It's not that I'm a child of the TV generation; it's just that the world has finally caught up with my God-given mental limitations. As the world gets dumber and dumber, I feel more and more at home. For attention-span challenged people such as myself, quote books are essential. They provide a link to our cultural past, a commune with the noblest minds in history, a way to get one-up on someone who is trying to impress the same stunningly attractive person we just met at a dignified cocktail party we have no business being at. When asked by our rival, "Have you read Hemmingway (Locke, Voltaire, Spinoza, Madonna, etc.)?" how else could we with any degree of integrity answer, "Yes, of course—some." The triumphant follow-up to my internationally successful The Bible by Peter McWilliams and God was, of course, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Quotes. In that Introduction I wrote: Now during otherwise-wasted 30-second intervals in the day, you can read the complete works of Shakespeare with all the boring bits removed. You can read all the parts worth reading from Henry V and all those other king plays during commercials on Larry King Live! While stopped at a traffic light you can read the good parts of six or seven sonnets. Now you can, with complete honesty, shame those co-workers who think Jackie Collins is more culturally significant than Joan Collins by blithely tossing into the conversation, "As I was reading in Shakespeare last night . . ." So here are the quotes from all the books in The LIFE 101 Series: You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought WEALTH 101: Wealth Is Much More Than Money LOVE 101 WE GIVE TO LOVE: Giving Is Such a Selfish Thing LIFE 101 DO IT! Let's Get Off Our Buts All the parts that I wrote—the boring bits—have been whacked away by a team of machete-wielding Library Science majors. What's left I acknowledge as the best (he said, proud of his humility). Faithfully yours, Peter McWilliams |